Trying to share parental rights and responsibilities after divorce or separation isn’t easy. Parents typically want to see their children as frequently as possible for as long as possible. Regular custody exchanges are typically necessary to maintain the integrity of the connections that parents have with their children.
One of the first questions parents may ask when discussing the possibility of shared custody is how often they’ll get to see their children in that situation. The answer depends on both the schedules of the parents and (possibly) the ages of the children.
Younger children may need more frequent exchanges
A 50/50 division of custody may not be the best solution in families with infants and toddlers. Young children lack what psychologists refer to as object permanence. When they cannot see or interact with something, they may think that object or person no longer exists. Therefore, prolonged separations from their primary caregiver can damage their connection and lead to psychological challenges later.
In many cases, shared custody arrangements involving infants and toddlers prioritize visitation with minimal overnight stays initially. The child spends the vast majority of their time with their primary caregiver but may see the other parent many times every week.
However, as children mature, they can spend more time with each parent. By the time they can attend grade school, weekend-length overnight stays are reasonable. Children in middle school and beyond can possibly alternate weeks between their parents’ houses. The rules and expectations for the children may change as they mature as well.
Parents who divorce when their children are young may want to establish custody schedules that specifically mature with the children. Such plans often work better than trying to establish One schedule to follow for the rest of the child’s life. They may also need to occasionally sit down to discuss household rules, expectations for grades and other important parenting matters. Being the same page on major issues makes it much easier to co-parent.
When adults make custody decisions based on children’s needs, the entire family may benefit from that approach to a relatively difficult situation. Sharing custody can be difficult, but both parents can potentially see their children regularly and maintain a healthy bond with them if they work cooperatively.